Written by Eleanor Morgan for Annie Officiel
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Valentine’s day: every February, these two words creep into our consciousness from every angle. Amid the sea of red hearts and heavily commercialised messages of love and romance, perhaps we also have an invitation to think about self-love, and how we might empower ourselves to feel it.
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As women, there is virtue in intentionally making ourselves feel good. In her iconic text All About Love: New Visions, bell hooks wrote: "One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others." What if we turn the idea of the romantic gaze inwards? Apply the idea of ‘self-loving’ to what makes us feel confident as we move through the world?
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We often associate self-love with confidence, which can be hard to measure or define. But there is no denying that our choices about how we present our physical selves, our bodies, is part of the picture. Clothing has more of a role than keeping our bodies warm. Finding a look that truly makes us feel good – or gives us an embodied sense of the woman we want to present to the world – is a precious thing. We construct a sense of self through what we wear.
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Marc Jacobs once said that “clothes mean nothing until someone lives in them.” This is true; finding a style through clothing is a way of expressing our personality, character and inner self. To really live in an item of clothing means having a relationship with the feeling it brings us. Our favourite pieces are, most often, not just comfortable physically, but psychologically. This is particularly true as the appeal of fast-fashion begins to fade. The idea of owning less, but making more conscious choices about what we wear, is important for the modern woman. Increasingly, we want to wear our values.
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Being discerning in our choices until we find this synergy in our clothing is key. The pieces that provide both physical and psychological comfort will look different for every woman. For some women, finding a reliable relationship with a key, classic piece that makes them feel and look good in different social or professional settings will be important. For others, finding a piece that makes an impact – a dress with a dynamic silhouette, say – will be synonymous with confidence, because it aligns with the character she wants to present to the world; a woman who makes an impact.
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For some women, confidence may come through the sensuality of clothing. Not just in how we may be seen by others while wearing it, but by knowing, and liking, how it makes our body feel: the way the high-quality fabric of a top moves against our skin; a cut that enhances our form by hanging just right, in the right places; a piece that makes us feel sexy by exposing parts of our bodies that hold a less-obvious, but known sensuality, like our shoulders or backs.
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As human beings, we so often define ourselves by the ways we expect others to view us. But there is empowerment – romance, even – in accepting this idea, while also slowing down to notice what actually makes us feel good when we're getting dressed. Because if we feel it, we’ll look it.